I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
