I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
