yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
