My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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