Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
