I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
