everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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