i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Randomize
