It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
