your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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