A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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