Pappa wants mamma naked
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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