how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
