singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
