we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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