Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
