I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
