Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Randomize
