So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
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