Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
