Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
