we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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