in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
