Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
