So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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