I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
