i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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