Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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