The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
