Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
