I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I could make wine with my vomit
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
