my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
