Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
