Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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