would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
