Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
