I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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