I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
