I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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