You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
