I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
