i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
