your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
