Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Every concussion has its silver lining
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
