Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize