OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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