Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
