hell yes lets make some ravioli
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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