i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
