I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
