I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
