Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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