last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
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