By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Floor bacon is actually really good
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Randomize
