I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
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