I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
