fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
