i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
