I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
