I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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