; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Randomize
