white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
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