The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Randomize
