i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Send help, water and tortillas.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
