Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
