she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
