she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
