Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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