I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
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