Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
So much rum. So many feels.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize
