Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
