i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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