Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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