I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize