okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Randomize
