we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
