you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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