she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
