I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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