so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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