i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize