I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
