Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
