That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
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