a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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