Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Randomize
