Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
