well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
